Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead

1. Draft your Pulitzer Prize acceptance speech.
2. The New York Times crossword puzzle. In ink.
3. Make faces at small children.
4. Draw leg hair on the models in Cosmo.
5. When someone asks for the time, say, "No habla espanol."
6. Point and laugh at someone wearing a Broncos hat. Invite others to join you.
7. Write Charles Bukowski poems in the bathroom stall with a green sharpie.
8. Sing along to the top 40 country songs, loudly and with the accent.
9. Inventory your purse.
10. Count ceiling tiles. Lose Count, and start again.